Welp, Sean just texted me and told me that he made it to San Diego. Although I am heartbroken from the loss of such a wonderful friend, I cannot help but be excited for him as he starts this new chapter of his life. I at least owe him that after everything he’s done for me. I can’t count how many times he’s been my backbone, carrying the weight when I couldn’t. I don’t know how many times I’ve fallen apart in front of him only for him to wipe my tears and tell me that things would get better. I remember being at his house when I got the news about my mother being severely ill. I had just gotten out of the shower. I walked into the kitchen, soaking wet, in a towel and lost it. He held me and let me come completely undone. He’s driven miles just to hang out with me, suffered through several movie marathons, taken me out to eat, let me stay the night when I needed to escape my reality, and sang to me in the car with the windows down. He has given me so much in such a short amount of time that it honestly scares me. I’m going to miss you so much Sean Raftery but it’s time for me to be selfless. It’s time for me to put aside all of my wants and to finally think about yours. Good luck in California. This is not goodbye, this is see you later.
I cannot believe how much time I wasted on you.
From 2012 up until a few months ago. So much of my time was wasted on thinking that maybe, somewhere, deep inside of you, was a decent fucking human being. Oh, how wrong I was. Even knowing that, I still tried to keep our friendship alive because I thought that it was worth something. Ha, I guess not.
You are a narrow minded, compulsive, manipulative, bigot and I cannot believe I ever “loved” you. Maybe I saw something in you or maybe, just maybe, I simply liked your head between my legs because that was the only way to get you to shut the fuck up. Either way, I’m so glad that you’ve been tossed to the curb like the trash you really are.
You people do realize that if minimum wage is raised to $15 an hour, that the price of living will also raise?
Dear Future Daughter:
1) When you’re at some party, chain smoking on the roof with some strange girl with blue hair and exorbitant large dark eyes, ask her about her day. I promise you, you won’t regret it. Often times you’ll find the strangest of people have the most captivating of stories to tell.
2) Please, never mistake desire for love. Love will engulf your soul, whilst desire will emerge as acid, slowly making it’s way through your veins, gradually burning you from the inside out.
3) No one is going to fucking save you, anything you’ve read or heard otherwise is bullshit.
4) One day a boy is going to come along who’s touch feels like fire and who’s words taste like vanilla, when he leaves you, you will want to die. If you know anything at all, know that it is only temporary.
5) Your mental health comes before school baby, always. If its midnight, and you have an exam the next day but your hands have been shaking for the past hour and a half and you’re not so sure you want to be alive anymore, pull out that carton of Ben and Jerry’s and afterwards, go the fuck to bed. So what if you get a 68% on the exam the next day? You took care of yourself and at the end of the day that will always come before a high test score. To hell with anyone who tells you differently.
It’s important to make friendships that are deeper than gossiping and drinking and smoking and going out.
Make friends who you can go get breakfast with, make friends you can cry with, make friends who support your life goals and believe in you.